It might seem weird to do an end-of-the-year reflection at the end of October, but I have good reason. Almost exactly a year ago, james boutin & I decided to do something together, as longtime educators, for white people, about whiteness. That was November. In January, we launched our first workshop. Coming up next week, we'll hold our last workshop of the year. What a year it's been!

Along these lines, recently a Black woman, a white man and a white woman each asked if my work as a white antiracist facilitator with groups of white people reinforced segregation. It's an important question. I find the answers important, too.

I can't count how many times have I said (or thought), "But I didn't mean to!". The issue of course has nothing to do with my intentions—it has to do with the harm I've caused.

As a middle-aged, middle+ class white woman, I've been spared the ravages of poverty—living it, living next to it, or simply witnessing it. What I haven't been spared are assumptions, biases and blindspots about poverty. This goes for most (not all) white Americans, and is entirely by design. So I'm trying to bust out of the mold.

I'm planning a vacation and thinking about it in terms of how white dominant culture works – how my choices benefit me, how they disadvantage others, and how I can mitigate both. Pretty much everyone has a stash of leisure time coming to them. The circumstances that grant one person weeks off—instead of, say, hours—map directly to what white life in America generally looks like.

Feel your feelings. I'm feeling defeated (by the effectiveness of white dominant culture, the well-organized right, the specter of minority rule). I'm feeling frustrated. I have some thoughts to offer.

When it comes to white people learning about systemic racism, being in a group can make all the difference—how white dominant culture lives in and through us is wily, not easily seen in a mirror. We need each other to be exposed to differing perspectives, to have things pointed out we don't see in ourselves, to understand our own reactivity in the reactions of others.

There really wasn't an urgency to the launch deadline in comparison to my health; my habit of being highly productive all the time is a kind of ableism; and my assumption that I'd swim through COVID unscathed is just hubris. Those familiar with the characteristics of white supremacy culture will recognize many of them here, loud and clear.

I am recently home from a weeks' exploration of Selma, Montgomery, and Birmingham, Alabama. I chose this destination deliberately: a big part of antiracist work is getting educated about historical racism in this country. I'm also making a big effort right now to bust out of my very segregated world.